I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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