I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
