Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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