I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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