one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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