he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
