He told me they were just razor bumps!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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