I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
