1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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