soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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