i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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