i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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