You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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