at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
