I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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