I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
