Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize