That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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