apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
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I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
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Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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