I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
