dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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