I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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