I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
