i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
