Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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