you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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