Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
