Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
