Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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