i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
