I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Randomize
