I think i peed on brittanys purse
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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