non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
