i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He felt like a one man threesome
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
