She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
