If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Randomize
