Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
