dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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