she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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