I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
