Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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