Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
