Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
