Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
