Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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