I didn't shave. On purpose
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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