he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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