help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
