I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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