..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
