i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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