considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
