It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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