Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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