I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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