I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just gift wrapped bread.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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