I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
