none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
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There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
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I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize