I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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