Your face is a jimmy john
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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