Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
