is wine microwaveable?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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