I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
