so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
