Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Porn is love you can see.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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