she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize