Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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