Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
