people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
