Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
