drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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