Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
