if only i could text you this smell
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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