I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
