Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
