i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
