OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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