peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
