I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
