My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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