I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
