I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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