Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
