I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
