Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
