I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
