rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
