I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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