I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
