Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
